Lost
by Makiko Igami
Summary: Shin only realizes what he wanted after he lost it. TakamixSakuraba, ShinSakuraba


**Title**: Lost  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Pairings**: Takami IchirouxSakuraba Haruto, Shin Seijuro+Sakuraba  
**Spoilers**: Uh... a few maybe. Not really though. ;  
**Warnings**: Maybe a little OOC-ness for Shin...  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own Eyeshield21 or any of its characters.  
**Summary**: Shin only realizes what he wanted after he lost it.  
**Notes&Comments**: Trying to make sense of my OTPs.

* * *

Shin always thought that Sakuraba would be close to him forever, following him wherever he went because he knew nowhere else to go. He was convinced that there was nobody else for the blond than him to catch up to.

He was comfortable with that, even more than he would or could admit. It gave him the confidence to go on as he did, training hard so that he was always several steps ahead of Sakuraba, becoming his role-model while he saw his silent base of support in the blond.

Of course he knew that nobody but himself would understand this twisted logic, but he didn't care as long as things remained the same and it seemed as if they would, even in their third year at high school. Even with Deimon's Eyeshield 21 threatening his position in the nationwide competition.

Nothing seemed to threaten his friendship with Sakuraba until the very day that Shin realized that Sakuraba had always wanted more than just friendship. And that sometime during their second year he had lost him without noticing and that he now wanted him back only for him alone.

The moment he realized all that was now mere heartbeats away. Right now he sat hunched up outside the boys' showers in Oujo's gym, eyes wide with shock of what he just saw in the shower. At the same moment he prayed that wasn't seen, when he accidentally caught Takami and Sakuraba in the shower.

For the first two heartbeats he thought nothing about it, he just wondered why Takami was there, when he had left school last spring, until he noticed that he wasn't exactly helping Sakuraba to wash his back, even though his hands were there. His lower back to be exact.

Shin wasn't completely innocent, he knew how sex between a man and a woman worked - thanks to biology class - but it took him a few more heartbeats to realize that these basics could also be used between two men. And after that realization had sunk in, he had hurried back around the closest corner, pulled his knees up to his chin and tried to process the fact that he had lost something that he never realized he wanted.

Shocked like he was it took him quite some time to replay in his mind all the little scenes he never really paid much attention to when they happened, but that were so precious in his memory now. He realized with a sinking feeling that he missed all the little touches Sakuraba seemed to give him accidentally during the first months of their second year without him noticing that he did so.

Suddenly it struck him like thunder that Sakuraba was a guy and that he was supposed to like girls, but then he'd never really been interested in any of them, they were all too boring. None of them could handle his training schedules or would talk to him about the things he was really interested in, while Sakuraba at least tried to catch up to his training and was a real sports fan. In fact, he also missed the times when he and Sakuraba would watch sport shows together.

On the other hand Sakuraba was sometimes too girly for his own good. It didn't really surprise Shin that the blond was more interested in the same sex, but Takami was a totally different subject.

Granted, their upperclassman always seemed to have had a special interest in the blond, but Shin always was of the opinion that this was only due to his designated position as Oujo's receiver. In retrospect, he knew he should have seen the hints. All the extra training they did together, all the subtle touches that Sakuraba didn't notice because he was too preoccupied with chasing Shin...

Oujo's linebacker was a strong man, but as the moans in the shower became louder and fiercer he covered his ears with his hands to blend out the sounds and squeezed his eyes shut to prevent the tears that threatened to fall. He realized that he lost everything that he ever wanted without him knowing that it was ever within his grasp.

He wanted to run, he wanted to get away from the showers, wanted to get away from Sakuraba and Takami, but his body wouldn't move. None of his well-trained muscles seemed to obey his orders even though the last thing he wanted was to be found like this, hunched up and crying like a baby, especially not by either Sakuraba or Takami or - even worse - both. He could hear the moans ebb down, the water stopped flowing and wet steps were coming closer and closer to him, accompanied by Sakuraba's careless chatter.

He didn't want to see the blond in the state he was right then. He didn't want Sakuraba to see him right then, he didn't want him to see the tears in his eyes. He didn't want to let him notice how deeply he was hurt, because he was the one who caused pain for the blond first. But most of all he didn't want to see Sakuraba's flushed face, the slight pink on his cheeks, nose and the tips of his ears.

So he used all of his willpower and pushed himself up just when he heard the pair turn around the corner and prayed that it wasn't too late to leave quietly and unseen.

But of course, Sakuraba spotted him.

"Shin! What are you... are you still training?" he asked, trying to sound casual and as if they just met after some tiring training.

Shin wanted to snort, but it got stuck in his throat just where the lump sat that stopped him from talking. He took a deep breath, not sure what he would say if he opened his mouth then and gave Sakuraba a short nod.

"Ah... 'kay." Sakuraba smiled a little too cheerfully, just as Takami put a hand on his shoulder. The blond whirled around and unfortunately - or luckily - Shin wasn't able to see his face, so he didn't know what kind of expression it showed. Not that he really cared, since his only aim was still to get away from the pair as quickly as possible, but he knew he would have to say something first, at least excuse himself.

"Shin... It's been a long time", Takami said softly and Shin wanted to start crying all over, even more than before. He wanted Takami to be strict, to be harsh for interrupting him and Sakuraba and not as... fatherly and soft as he was right then.

He wanted to hate Takami for taking Sakuraba away from him, but he just couldn't muster the energy for it. Takami was much too nice and charismatic to be hated, plus he was an excellent player who had earned Shin's respect early in his first year.

Trying to swallow the lump that was still stuck in his throat, now as big as his head, Shin only managed a small nod. He took another deep breath and finally managed to press out some words around the giant lump.

"Sorry... gotta go..." he murmured and started to jog away from the pair, slowly at first, but it ended up as a full-fletched sprint by the time he reached the gates of the school.

Takami and Sakuraba. He should have known.

But now it was too late.


End file.
